Five: fierce, fervent, and finicky

I’ve had this written for a few months, so these are musings from last fall.

Let me walk you through numerous instances where we can view a five year old (obviously, mine) in the wild.

The photo above, it’s caption is truthful. She asked me at 9:30am if she could have a popsicle. So, thinking I’m a decent parent, said, “you can have one later for snack, but not right now.”

Unacceptable.

She proceeded to flop down on the couch, face first, and loudly whine that she never gets to do anything fun.

Hashtag, worst mom ever.

Let’s look at couple of weeks ago when an ice cream truck, a shady one at that, makes it way into our neighborhood culdesac.

The children hear the siren call and light up with excitement. But, I had to break the news that I didn’t have any cash.

Wait for it.

Next thing I know, she falls to the floor of our garage, like all her bones have magically disappeared, and cry whines.

Then..in utter despair, she begins to army crawl/drag herself out of the garage, simultaneously reaching out for the now leaving ice cream truck, and dramatically screaming “nooooooo!”

Maybe this makes me a bad parent, but I had to turn away many times to gain my composure, so I could comfort and care for her.

I promised I would scrounge for change so the next time, we could snag some ice cream.

Also, a couple of weeks ago, my five year old was putting on pajamas after her bath (slightly damp skin) and still feels chilly.

So, she pulls a sweater, a fleece like fuzzy pullover with a hood.

Well, it shifts her night shirt around and she hated the way it felt. So, logic kicked in and she tried to remove the sweater…

Keyword, tried.

It was like watching a stupid, funny meltdown that I couldn’t fix.

As she’s attempting to remove said sweater, it starts taking her pajama shirt with it, getting stuck around her head, sticking to her arms because she’s still damp, and generally refusing to do what she intended.

So, you know, anyone in that situation would move slowly, take an arm out at a time, etc.

Nope, not a frustrated five year old.

This guttural sounds escapes her mouth, she begins writhing around, arms flailing, bending up and down from the waist, screaming, trying to remove this sweater.

I offered help multiple times, and every time was met with a screaming, “NO!”

So, I just stand there, in my bedroom doorway, looking into her room, trying not to completely lose my mind and audibly laugh.

Y’all, 5 year olds are something else.

I’ve gone through this my first Sprite.

There is something about the 5th year that throws everything you know to the wind.

In between the intense, insane moments, I get to see her personality flourish and enjoy the hilarity and compassion she brings.