Baby Steps

I left off with Brent and his uncertainty regarding the wound vac.

TUESDAY

This day, Sprite went back to pre-school, and struggled.

She struggled to let go of me and attend class.

It was over a week since she last saw her daddy.

I’m sure to her it looked like us disappearing into the night, and only me returning.

And, some mysterious white doors that could or couldn’t lead to him.

She was a trooper.

A trooper who missed her daddy.

After I dropped her off at school, I went to see Brent.

When I arrived, we discussed finally bringing Sprite back to see him.

He was hesitant, but agreed.

He didn’t want to scare her.

We agreed after preschool, she could come and see him.

While I was there, the respiratory team came and gave approval for him to take sips of liquid, and cleared him for real food.

I missed the surgeon and infectious disease doctors earlier, but was relayed everything looks great.

While I was there, Brent shuffled around a few steps and requested all the toiletries/hygiene items.

Y’all, the dude likes his toiletries.

So, this request was a good sign.

Later in the afternoon, he received a few visitors.

One of them being Sprite.

I held her hand as we walked down the hallway to Brent’s room.

She walked in hesitant.

She didn’t engage much with him.

I tried encouraging her to hold his hand, or give him a hug, or talk with him some.

But, he was sitting in a hospital bed, looking completely different, and she was completely loaded down with every emotion under the sun in a 3 year old body, unable to totally process them all.

Another visitor that day was a couple from our church who were beginning a new shift in ministry direction.

As they were sharing their excitement, Brent listened, asked questions, and prayed with them.

I wrote in my journal, “You are such an unselfish person – siting in a hospital bed fighting a life-threatening infection, and you check on others. A true servant.”

The evening wrapped up with additional visitors and a good dose of Benadryl to counteract the itchiness of his rash.

On this evening, Sprite prayed for Brent and said, “Thank you God for feeding me. Please help Daddy get better.”

WEDNESDAY

This day Sprite visited with Brent again, and this time was much improved from the day before.

She was more animated and engaging with him.

After her visit, Brent completed PT, which unfortunately caused increased pain.

While he was moving around, he was able to use the restroom and I was able to give him a sponge bath.

Getting up, moving around, and sitting on his incisions caused him to become lightheaded and pale.

Thankfully, while I was helping him, a nurse changed his linens and assisted getting him back to bed.

His anxiety increased when the nurses in charge of the Wound Vac arrived to remove the current sponges and replace them with new ones.

So, imagine a sponge that was pushed into every crevice of a large, gaping wound, removed.

Painful is the only word that comes to mind, though I don’t even think it truly describes his experience with it.

Once he was settled into his bed, he requested me to leave the area, away from his room and not in the hallway.

Because the insertion of the wound vac sponges was so painful the first time, he didn’t want to scare me, and be able to yell out as needed.

Basically, he didn’t want to have to hold it all in – so, I agreed.

A little later, once Brent was calmed and drugged from the wound vac changing, our Kids Director came back with me to visit again.

It was a great visit filled with conversation regarding VBS, family, and how God orchestrated his time in the hospital.

Like, seriously, who else would be able to see the work of God’s hands in a situation like that?

He does.

All the time.

Later that evening we had a visit with a couple of really good friends of ours, great food from church family, and visits from Brent’s co-workers.

Although this was a great time of visiting, the wound vac changing had continued pain effects causing me feel like I was getting on his nerves.

So, I decided to head out and allow him to relax for the evening.

I picked up Sprite and headed home.

On the way, I received a text message from my friend informing me that someone I didn’t even know wanted to donate proceeds from her candle jewelry business to help pay for Brent’s increasing medical bills.

Just a few days before, my good friend Stephanie, called me and said she was going to establish a Go Fund Me page where people can donate and assist with the growing medical bills.

I really wanted to say no.

I don’t easily accept help, so she basically said, “let me do this for you all.”

I caved.

Then, I cried.

There was a feeling and weight that this was real.

Ending this phone call, Sprite said from the back seat, “I don’t want daddy at the hospital anymore, I want him big better at home.”

“Me too, Sweetie. Me too.”

THURSDAY

I didn’t have much written for this day.

The opening line for this day was, “I have a cybernetic booty!”

I can’t even with this dude.

Another friend of ours thought, “brillo booty” was a good name too.

We laughed.

Thankfully, this day was a good one.

In addition to his surgeon expressing her happiness with his healing, he didn’t have any wound vac changes.

We were also advised that closing his healing incision was planned for Friday or Saturday.

This information caused Brent to become anxious, so we stopped and prayed.

Following her visit, the nurses helped him to the chair since PT was on the floor and making their rounds.

When they finally made it to his room, they set out with a walker to peruse the hall.

But, that wasn’t good enough for him.

He pushed all the way to the nurses desk, and upon his return, he was drenched in sweat and shaking.

The last time he went walking, he was using the arms of the therapists, so this was huge progress.

With each passing day, he became increasingly aware of where he was, and the hurdles in front of him.

And, as his awareness increased, his anxiety did too.

With the rising anxiety, I requested some medication for him.

Thankfully, his nurse agreed and gave him something.

The downside of a heavier than usual medication is the negative effects – like weird and confusing dreams.

I didn’t write down his dream recollection, but I did note the medicines negative impact.

FRIDAY

I was informed this morning, 7:45am to be exact, that transport was coming to take Brent to pre-op for closure of his incisions.

I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see him before surgery, so I shot up out of bed and scurried myself and Sprite to the hospital.

When we arrived we were actually both allowed to see him in pre-op.

I was so grateful.

When I saw him, he seemed relaxed.

And, while in pre-op, Sprite was given a gift from a nurse.

It was a little elephant, coloring book, and crayons.

I actually still have this elephant in her memory box.

His dad told me when he arrived at pre-op, he was greeted warmly, “nice to see you again.”

But, Brent didn’t know what they meant by that.

He had no recollection about the previous days of back to back surgeries.

His surgery lasted 2 hours – which fostered some anxiety, as I thought it was too long.

On my way to check the surgery board, a family member was announced to the waiting room phone.

The last time I picked up this phone, I was given scary information.

So, I picked it up with hesitation and a deep breath.

It was the surgery nurse letting me know that everything went great and his surgeon decided to go ahead and close the incisions.

The not cool part was the surgeon had to jet to another urgent surgery and didn’t leave orders for when to return Brent to the ICU.

This caused his time in recovery to last 3-4 hours.

Gratefully, we, and others, were able to visit in small stints in the recovery area.

He told me he was in so much pain and that his leg felt really tight.

Unfortunately, the nurses already gave him the allowed amount of medicine.

As we waited for him to return to the ICU, Sprite and I grabbed lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

While we were eating, I told Sprite that Brent’s big doctor was helping him feel better.

She replied, “When daddy is better, will he wear pants again?”

We both laughed.

I needed that.

Upon our return, he was in his room with a patient operated button pain drip.

He clicked the button once, was in and out for a few minutes, then out completely.

He was able to rest comfortably and woke up with an appetite, ate some of my food, and conked out again.

While he was sleeping, I took a closer look at his incisions.

I felt like a total creeper, peeking at his incisions while he slept.

*shrug*

He had dressing over all the incisions, numerous staples, and 3 drains coming from strategic spots.

Later, we were finally able to conference with the surgeon.

She reiterated what the nurse said and added since his incisions needed no additional debrideing, she closed the wounds.

His incisions had roughly 50-60 staples – no stitches.

Due to the size of the wound, stitches wouldn’t hold the expanse closed.

I was told in 10 days half of the staples, every other one, could be removed.

And, the drains could be removed in a week.

(Drains look like translucent tubing with a bulb at the end where fluid collects from the wound).

And, the remaining staples around day 20.

Due to the tightness of closing the incision, his surgeon said he would experience some additional pain.

Super positive moment, Brent was slated to move out of the ICU tomorrow!

This information flooded my brain with relief, sadness, excitement, and anxiety.

The news was good.

It pointed to a closing of one season littered with complete uncertainty, and darkness.

And yet, it whisked us to a season of new uncertainty, leaning on the only One who will sustain us.

I didn’t know this song at the time, but whenever I hear it, this season pops up as an example of His faithfulness and presence through it all.

These are the lyrics to the song, Hills and Valleys by Tauren Well:

I’ve walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I’ve felt the pain of heartbreak
And I’ve seen the brighter days
And I’ve prayed prayers to heaven from my lowest place
And I have held the blessings
God, you give and take away

No matter what I have, Your grace is enough
No matter where I am, I’m standing in Your love

On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!

You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!