Disastrous Wednesday

You ever have that feeling that your plans and intentions for the day are going to be completely derailed?

Well, that was me last Wednesday.

I woke up and just felt blah.

That coupled with rain, I wanted nothing to do with anything Wednesday had to offer.

But, our regular routine for Wednesdays are to get up and get moving to BSF.

So, even though I felt blah, and everyone was moving slower than normal, I gave direction to change clothes and prepare to leave.

Everyone was informed about where to find clothes – laundry couch, given a specific timeframe, and very clear expectations.

I *thought* I could step out of the room to fix my hair and change my clothes and the girls would do what I needed them to do.

Mistake.

Nonetheless, I stepped away to do get ready.

This took roughly 15 minutes.

15 whole minutes.

After I was done, I came back into the living room to find Banshee lackadaisically laying on the couch playing with putty.

Y’all.

I’m sure you can imagine my face.

HYSTERIA.

In a raised voice, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I TOLD YOU TO GET READY?!”

“I am. I aaaaammmmmmm.”

“You most certainly are not getting ready. Get up now and change your clothes. We are now going to be late.”

*she begrudgingly gets off the couch, yet still plays with the stupid putty*

I am now wide-eyed.

“PUT DOWN THE PUTTY AND CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES!”

*insert sloth pace to “look” for clothes*

“I can’t find pants!”

“Look in that (I pointed) basket.”

“There’s no pants!”

I tossed her some pajamas pants. “Here are pants.”

I literally have no cares about what my kids wear these days, as long as it covers all the necessary areas.

“I don’t like these pants! They’re itchy!”

“I don’t have any other pants for you. You will have to wear those.”

Then we begin the pant refusal.

*crying*

*whining*

*removing the pants and refusing to look for something else*

“Banshee, put the pants on we have to go. We are already late.”

“I DON’T LIKE THOSE PANTS!”

“STOP!” I put my hand up.

*she starts crying*

I just sat down and just about decided not to attend my bible study group.

It just felt like a giant fight.

But, as I sat, I really didn’t want to give into the dynamics and allow my kids to have control over what we do or don’t.

I called Banshee over and apologized.

“Mommy is really frustrated right now. I really want to attend my bible study and hear the lecture before my class. But, that doesn’t make it okay for mommy to act that way. Do you forgive mommy?”

*she’s crying and hugging me.”

We reconciled.

I gave everyone else a pep talk and told them to get into the van.

Then, it started all over again.

Now, Banshee can’t find her shoes and she doesn’t like the ones that are available in the shoe bucket.

I find her some other shoes.

Not good enough.

I’m over it.

Again.

“I don’t care what shoes you wear, I just need you to get some shoes on your feet and get into the van!”

“Oooookkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyy-yyyyyaaaaa.”

Can you feel what I might be feeling as this 2 syllable word was stretched into a several syllable word?

Yep.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

I just look at her and said, “No ma’am. Get your shoes on your feet and come out to the van.”

Instead of standing over her I decided to go sit in the van.

Which, if I’m honest, wasn’t completely helpful because I just sat in the driver’s seat and stewed, but at least I wasn’t standing over her and growing in frustration in front of her.

*shrug*

She finally gets into the van and I am FUMING.

We are literally pulling out of our driveway 20 minutes late.

We scurry to the interstate and Tempest and Sprite are quiet.

They feel bad.

Some of their feelings are warranted, but some of that is due my own reaction and guilt I imbued to them.

Winning.

I am totally winning today.

On the way there, I find out a mom friend and her kiddos will not be in attendance.

*curse words*

Banshee puts up such a fight to attend her class and the only silver lining is her friend who attends with her.

And that safety net won’t be there today.

I take a deep breath and warn everyone.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. We are going into the church. I will take you to your classes and everyone will go in without any issue. Okay? Banshee, your friend won’t be there today, but you are still going to class.”

*Banshee begins whimpering*

I knew it.

I knew this would blow our entire attempt at arriving, never mind arriving late.

“Banshee, you can go to class. You are brave and courageous.”

Even as I said this, my insides were screaming, “I just need you to go to class and not throw a huge fit.”

No dice.

She begins crying and saying she wouldn’t go to class.

I had a decision to make.

I knew if I took her inside the church and attempted sending her to class it would probably damage our relationship.

Nothing that would come out of my mouth would be helpful.

It would be a lot of, ‘I don’t care. Get into class coupled with crying and screaming.”

So, do I keep pushing and let the chips fall where they may?

Or do I separate and protect my relationship with Banshee?

I struggled.

I really wanted to attend, but I also didn’t want it to be a huge fight and taint Bible study.

Pause.

“We’re going home. Everyone put your seatbelts on, we’re going back home.”

From the backseat, Tempest squeaks, “I’m sorry mommy.”

“It’s not your fault. This is just better for everyone. Nothing good will come out of trying to get everyone inside.”

The inner struggle.

I felt like I let her win.

She threw a fit so I changed plans.

But, as I sit and reflect I chose to protect my relationship with her.

Not that I need that control, but understanding my relationship with her is more important than attending a Bible study.

The struggles of parenthood are constant.

And, sometimes we have to throw our plans and intentions aside and meet our kids where they need.