Grieving with your kids

When we found out we miscarried our 6th child (6th to us, 5th in their understanding), we discussed how we would share this news with our children.

We didn’t want to keep this from them.

They would be watching us grieve, notice our rhythms change for a few days, and wonder.

So instead of pretending everything was the same, or answering questions, we chose to share news that would unfortunately produce grief for them.

When we arrived home from the dr, we gathered the girls into the living room and shared what happened.

With the exception of Sprite, who knew about the pregnancy, the others had no idea and had to digest the idea of a baby, and the death of a baby all in one sitting.

It was horrible.

Brent was the speaker as I sat in our recliner crying and watching their reactions as he spoke to them.

After he finished, he said, “you can go give mommy a hug now.”

Tempest and Banshee came straight over, hugged me tight, and sobbed.

Torpedo elbowed her way in there too.

They sobbed at the grief they saw me display; they sobbed at the no-longer possibility of our family growing; they sobbed at what they didn’t fully understand.

As the youngest three were ready to let go, Sprite was sitting on the couch curling up, feeling crushed by her thoughts and feelings.

I called her over and had her sit in my lap, even though she commented she was too big, I responded, “you’ll never be too big.”

She leaned in and cried grief-stricken tears into my shirt as I hugged her tight and cried with her.

This.

This moment with Sprite, and the moment before with my others, is hands down one of the hardest things I have done as a parent.

Helping them hold grief, while also holding my own, is so difficult.

But also so important.

It’s important to share not just happy moments with your children, but the crappy ones too.

I encourage you as moments and seasons come, you also share with your children.

Remind them you are a safe place, hold them close, grieve with them, and through that you extend the compassionate heart and love of Jesus to them as well.