Go the bleep to sleep

Listen

I can’t even with bedtime, really any night of the week.

I’m an early riser, so when bedtime comes, I’m spent.

Like, please leave me alone and go away, spent.

It takes every fiber of my being to not turn into a complete witch during the nightly bedtime battle.

The past few weeks I’ve been asked some random, weird questions from the girls as they’ve meandered out of their rooms in hopes to prolong their bedtime.

---

Sweet

Mom, can I give you a hug?

Mom, can I give you a kiss?

Mom, can you tuck me in?

Needy

Mom, can I have a drink of water?

Mom, can I have a rag for my forehead?

Mom, can you do my back scratches?

Mom, can you tuck me in a second time?

Mom, can I go potty?

Mom, can you put the blankets on me?

Mom, have you seen my horse?

Science

Mom, are spaceships real?

Mom, is the sun going night night?

Mom, what’s a meditation?

Mom, why does it rain?

Mom, was I ever constipated?

Mom, does juice give me fart poop (diarrhea)?

Mom, do most people wear glasses, or most people don’t?

Mom, why do we have blood in our veins?

Mom, are hoverboards real?

Mom, what’s that smell?

Curiosity

Mom, why do you have a bandaid?

Mom, can I have some coconut oil?

Mom, what’s that sound?

Mom, what are we doing tomorrow?

Mom, does your stomach hurt?

Mom, what are we doing the day after tomorrow?

Mom, do we have any more cinnamon rolls left?

Mom, why do you use oils?

Mom, why is banshee not talking to me?

Mom, where’s Torpedo?

Mom, can I have nighttime oil?

Mom, why do you like to watch this show so much?

Mom, when is Tuesday?

Mom, what are you watching?

Mom, can I get my doll?

Mom, have you seen my shoes?

Mom, do you see my energy (while child is running in place)?

Conclusion

Take notice, there are three sweet questions in the sea that is the procrastinators bedtime routine.

Three.

Also, if you can stand the use of the f-bomb and a few other curse words, this video of Samuel L. Jackson reading Go The F*** To Sleep is hysterical: