I love my baby, and we cry it out too.

Whenever my kiddos hit around 7(ish) months old, we always have to pursue crying it out.

I know there is a ton of opinions around this particular method of sleep training, but this works for us.

And, I HATE it.

H. A. T. E. It to my very core.

But, I also need it.

I need the results.

I need the boundaries, sleep, and independence it brings.

Even though this isn’t my first rodeo, with much reluctantance and constant second guessing, we embarked.

And, just in case I was waning a little, the night before we stepped into the schedule, Torpedo decided to have a horrible night: woke up constantly, couldn’t decide on swaddle or no swaddle, and was overall cranky.

Day 1: Monday

I laid her down about 10, gave her a kiss, told her night night, and walked out of the room.

I set my timer for 30 minutes. She only cried for maybe 15 minutes, and napped for 2 hours.

Success.

Then, repeat for the afternoon.

That evening, I followed her cues.

She began tiring out about 7:15.

I changed her diaper, put on her sleeper, fed her, and laid her down.

She cried for about 20 minutes, and was out for the night.

Now, with complete transparency, this particular evening, I had to attend a meeting. So, I left the house and my husband handled the crying.

I can’t even begin to tell you how bothered I was to leave with my baby crying, and at the same time knowing its what she and I both needed.

It brought me such relief when my husband sent me this picture update.

Because, in my mind, she would still be crying.

From 7:45pm-9:00am.

Not. A. Peep.

I mean, she may be 4th kid, but I still have those, “are you breathing?” moments too.

Day 2: Tuesday

I woke up for my usual morning routine, around 6:30am. She was still down.

I exercised.

Still asleep.

I showered, washed my hair and made and drank my coffee.

Still asleep.

Do you even know how amazing that is?

I did all of those things without tip toeing around my room, strategically stepping in just the right spots so the floor wouldn’t creak (so I wouldn’t wake her in the bedside crib).

Just so you know, when you have kids, you also become a part-time ninja.

Anyway, look at this amazing picture below.

Drinking my coffee, baby free.

Finally at 8:30am, after her youngest, older sister woke up and left the room, I had to go in and just look at her.

Below is her in all her “this is my space” glory.

I’d like to say I looked upon her with admiration and “I love my baby” expression, but really, I was checking for movement.

She finally woke up at 9:00am and I was ecstatic that she still liked me.

Let’s be real, she just wants me for my boobs.

Day 3: Wednesday

This is her, 8:45am, still enjoying her newfound space and independence.

She again slept through the night, maybe only crying for a few minutes before completely dozing off.

Day 4: Thursday

She awoke this morning in a much better disposition than the previous ones.

She actually excitedly kicked and flapped around when she noticed it was me coming to pick her up.

She woke up around lunch time after her morning nap with this interesting mark on her forehead.

I’m pretty sure she settled her face against the side crib slats and didn’t move.

She maintained that marking for a couple of hours following her nap.

Here she didn’t even cry.

I laid her down at 7:30, she rolled over and went to bed.

It does a mama’s heart good when the fruit of labor is finally experienced.

Days 5-7

Friday-Sunday followed the same pattern as the previous days, with one exception: little to no crying.

I made a commitment to keep her on schedule as much as possible during all of this sleep transition.

So, here we are.

I stuck it out for a week.

And, we’re done.

She rarely cries when I lay her in the crib.

She sleeps significantly better than when she was in the bedside crib, as do I.

Even though I know it’s worth it, I struggled.

I spent days beforehand agonizing, worrying about it being the right choice.

I worried I would be judged for it. For being viewed as a bad mom to let my kid cry.

I heard the lies that allowing my baby to cry damages her.

I heard the opinions of different parenting and sleep methods roaming around in my brain creating doubt and restlessness.

I reached out to multiple people for encouragement – to tell me I’m not a bad mom for crying it out.

I needed moms to tell me that my baby crying in a safe space is okay.

I needed them to say I was a good mom.

And, here’s what I came to realize, as I have with my other three.

It helps me be a better mom.

Not only does it improve my relationship with my baby, it does with my other girls as well.

One of the sweet moments I soaked up happened during one of Torpedo’s naps: I was able to give my undivided attention, sit with Banshee and watch a show she really enjoyed.

I love my girls.

Wholeheartedly.

And, I let them cry it out.