the lunchtime expletive

Y’all.

I was called a nasty b**** the other day while at lunch, with all of my kids, meeting a new friend and her almost four year old.

Because, this is just what lunch with me looks like.

I’m sitting at the table in a frequented restaurant, El Nopal, having lunch and getting to know a church member, when all of a sudden a gentleman, I’m guessing around 80 comes over and says,

“I came here to have a nice, quiet lunch, but I wasn’t able to do that because of all the noise.”

My new friend and I are both listening, waiting for a follow-up line similar to, “but, I really enjoyed watching your children.”

Instead, he continued, “your children disrupted my lunch.”

I quickly realized this was not going the way I thought.

So, I calmly replied, “I am sorry they disrupted your lunch.”

I, then, had the audacity to think the conversation was complete.

He complained—>I apologized—->conversation done—->seemed logical and complete to me.

But, no.

He continued the complaint, “You are very inconsiderate to bring your children to a restaurant and have them treat it like a playground and make all kinds of noise. It’s very rude.”

So, I apologized again, “I am very sorry they disrupted your lunch. I hope the rest of your day is better.”

I sincerely meant it.

BUT, also no.

He wasn’t done.

Here comes round three.

He looked and asked my new friend, “do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Ok, we’re done here.

I stood up.

My enneagram 8 was in FULL MODE.

He turned to me and continued.

I interrupted his verbal assault and firmly and assuredly said, “this conversation is over.”

I honestly think I ticked him off.

He shifted to leave – but, negative.

Round four: he shifted back in my direction and laid into me again.

I interrupted this attempt at another verbal assault with increased fervor and volume, “You need to leave now.”

This time he legitimately looked like he was going to leave, but then swung back around for another verbal lashing.

So, I took a step towards him and with even more fortitude and said, “you need to step away from me and my children now.”

He retorted, “nasty b****!”

And, walked away.

I couldn’t believe it.

I have NEVER been called that in my entire life.

I have had a person or two complain about my kids, but its usually a complaint, followed by me apologizing, and the conversation coming to a halt.

But, this dude was seriously looking for a fight.

He would just not walk away.

I kept thinking, this fella is older, be cool, Dana, be cool.

I was NOT feeling cool.

What he said, talking to me that way, calling me a name like that, was NOT COOL.

After he left, I sat down and began shaking.

My adrenaline went into complete fight mode as the interaction escalated and dropped just as quickly.

The verbal aggression was palpable.

My girls could feel it and began asking questions following his departure.

Their safety was rocked and they needed to know I had a plan for the ‘what ifs’.

“What if he wouldn’t leave?”

“What if he followed us out to our van?”

“What if he tried to hurt you?”

I responded with my step-by-step plan to ensure their safety, and mine.

After I gathered myself, we left the restaurant.

I hugged and said bye to my new friend – this was quite the bonding experience!

Later as I was processing everything, I wondered something: would this person have come over with such tenacity and audacity had mine or my friend’s husband been present?

I debriefed with my new friend and others, and this was a recurring observation.

I shrugged it off thinking that couldn’t be the case, but then I talked more with my husband and he confirmed the truth of this thought.

So, now I wonder even more, was I targeted because I was some kind of vulnerable, frail woman?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.